Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
