thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
