is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
