So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
