how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
