i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
