just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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