That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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