I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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