having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
