I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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