last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
