is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize