She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
