I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
