Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
