I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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