drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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