erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
