I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
