I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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