Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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