Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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