please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
