I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
