I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
