And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
