There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize