This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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