i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
