to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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