what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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