You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
