Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
