Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
