I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
