checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
3pm strippers are depressing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
