I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
