Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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