I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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