i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
