Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
