You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
