carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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