I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
