Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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