dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
