Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
