you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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