Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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