I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
