Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
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Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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