yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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