We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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