allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
