It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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