I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
