It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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