Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
