I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
