I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
