I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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