Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
